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Poems From the Heart 

My real life did not start until I gave my will to God and accepted Jesus into my heart.  To hear my favorite song in midi - Since Jesus Came Into My Heart Click Here

The following poems were written by me, Donna Carrico, at different times in my recovery. Some of the language is very blunt, but very honest. In order to minister to survivors, the language has to be used as it is. I am truly sorry if this offends anyone, however, the words on paper are what I felt when I wrote them.  Survivors understand the meaning behind the blunt words. This is the reason why I have included the poems on our web site - in order to minister to survivors, helping them to realize that someone else has been through similar circumstances and survived and is victorious through Christ.   I want to give them  Hope!  

My story is not too different from other survivors of abuse.  The time frame of my abuse goes like this:

  I was molested as a child and it continued until I was a teenager.  I felt no one would believe me (and still think that way) and it seemed when I turned to people for help, that they just could not cope with what I had to tell.  I married right after high school in order to get away from home and that ended in divorce after 13 years of mental and emotional torture.  The best thing I got out of that marriage was my two beautiful children that I wanted and love very much.  At the end of that marriage I became promiscuous and I did a lot of things I regret.  After a couple of years of that life, I tried to commit suicide.  I was in the depths of despair and I cried out to God and as I was cutting my wrists with a razor blade, God miraculously closed them back up so I wouldn't bleed to death.  I knew in my heart that God loved me but did not make the decision for a full commitment and become born again until after my divorce was final.  Religion had been a problem in my marriage and it had driven me away from God.  After my decision to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior, God provided me with my wonderful Christian husband, David.  We have been married and serving God together for over 23 years. 

A few of the my poems were written for other survivors. Being able to express yourself is a major part in the healing process.  As survivors, we are often told, "Don't tell", and threatened with dire consequences if we do tell.  Writing poems or in journals gives a survivor a chance to stop hiding the big dark secret that has controlled their lives and releases the anger and frustration that has usually lain hidden for years.

I pray they will touch your hearts, help you to feel my pain I suffered through my recovery process; and then encourage you to trust in the Living Word of God who is the ultimate healer who has delivered me through it all.

Since these poems are so personal and a part of my life I have often had some well meaning Christians and others judge me because I have chosen to make them public.  I wish no harm to my parents or any other members of my family.  I have seriously prayed about this and feel God has given me permission because of the good it will do for so many survivors who need to come to Him.  I confronted my parents when I was 40 years old and offered them freedom through Christ and also my forgiveness.  What they did with their choice is between them and God.  My mother passed away on September 30, 2001.  I was never allowed to speak to her about my abuse since I initially confronted them both.  I had already given both of them to God several years ago. 
Many people do not realize that God is a God of love and a God of Judgment.  God is just in His judgment, because only He knows what is truly in the heart.  When we are confronted with the decision to let go of our will and totally give our lives to Him, people are faced with a choice.  We can choose to accept Eternal life and His peace now and forever, or Eternal Death with a life of mental and emotional torment forever.  I chose Jesus and I have never regretted my decision.

Feel free to copy the poems to give to other survivors, pastors, and caregivers. We have also written FROM VICTIMS To VICTORS - THROUGH THE CROSS OF JESUS CHRIST- Gilead's Balm - A Healing Workbook for Ministers, Victim- Survivors, And All Christians who want to be Free through Jesus Christ.

Click to find out What is Ritual Abuse?

DADDY, WHY DID YOU HURT ME SO LONG AGO?

Daddy, why did you hurt me so very long ago?

I still remember the day that you wouldn't let me go.

I know it only happened once, I think, but the damage was done.

When you tried it again, I had sense enough to run.

The hurt goes on Daddy, through all the years of my life.

You don't know how hard it is sometimes just to be a wife!

You don't know the agony that I go through each year.

Just picking out a Father's Day card has brought me many a tear.

Mom doesn't know ----I don't think ----- I don't know ----

That's why I have to send a card, because of her, I love her so.

How do you find a card that isn't full of glory?

To send to someone who has never said he's sorry?

Daddy, you don't know the pain you've made in me.

When you raped me that day, I was no longer free.

Free to be a child ---- to be full of joys ----

Free to love and be like other girls and boys.

I'll never be the same as I was that day,

the day you took my virginity away.

I'll never understand why you did that to me.

I was "Daddy's little girl," don't you see?

I never dreamed you could hurt me so

I thought you loved me, didn't you know?

Many years have come and gone so fast.

I know I'm supposed to be not living in the past,

But, Daddy, the hurt you caused in me will never be past,
     not until the breath in me is my last.

I guess God really wanted me around to do his will,

Because twice in vain myself I tried to kill.

Daddy, ---- Please Daddy,

I asked you once to give your heart to God and make your peace.

I can and have forgiven you, but still I feel no release!

You've never said you're sorry for the crime you did!

I'm sure you think since I didn't tell Mom, your secret is well hid.

I guess I'll try to right the wrongs that you did to me.

I'll try to go on, a survivor I'll be;

By giving my love to my own dear children,
      warning them, protecting them and also other children;

Teaching them where it's wrong to be touched,
      even by someone you love so very much.

Daddy, I think I love you, but I'll never understand,

Just why did you hurt me so? Did you have it all planned?

Or was it something done to you in your past,
     that triggered your feelings for me at the last?

Daddy, I hope one day that you'll see just how you've hurt me
     and say, "Please forgive me".

But until that day, I guess I'll go on ---
     writing things like this one after one,

Hoping a little comfort I'll give to someone hurting, just trying to live;
     someone trying to heal the hurt, like me;

Hoping that one day they will be set free.

                                                                     May 1988

JUSTICE FOR THE ABUSED ?

Justice attempts to speak but, alas, it is squashed like a bug.

For the child, the molested, the abused, 
     their pain is shoved under the rug.

After all presented evidence and scary court rooms day after day,
     still the victim sees no justice, for the jurors have their way.

The victim is still hurting, even though the parent will deny 
     the truth of the molestation.

Some parents don't even ask, "Why?".

 

The victim thinks "Why did I bother to tell what the abuser did?

No one can help me now, I bet, the horrible truth is well hid".

The victim obtaining no justice trapped in the web of defeat
     will endure the disgusting abuse the abuser will assuredly repeat.

 

One thing is of value. The guilty has been accused.

Perhaps it may help to soften the pain
     and bring healing and strength to the abused.

 

The victims may become survivors,
     through counseling, love, and prayer.

To find each day worth living, and learn their pain to bear.

 

Justice means: to uphold what is just, to give a penalty as deserved,

To punish the one who has done the wrong.

When is justice really served?

 

Will the abused ever find Justice?

Will they ever feel any relief?

How will You listen when they tell?

Will You react in disbelief?

                                                 February 27, 1992

ALIVE !

This feeling - It's so strange

The sun is brilliant, the air is fresh

The birds are chirping outside my window

Life - My Life

Yes, I love my life - I am so glad to be alive!

 

This feeling - This precious joy

It is overwhelming, I could be dead

I only missed death by five minutes today

Life - Joyous life

Yes, I love my life - Yes, for me it could have been the end!

 

The plane crashed - It missed me

I was on the street, five minutes before

But, I was safe at work when it crashed

Joy - My joy

Yes, I accept my joy - I am so thankful for this day!

 

This feeling - It's such a surprise

For years all that I wanted, was to die

To wipe out all the pain and bad memories

Die - to die

Incest makes you want to die - But, I didn't die, and I feel peace!

 

Tried twice - I tried twice to die

Once with pills, once with slit wrists

But, for some strange reason, I lived

Life - My life

Yes, I accept my life - Thankful joy, I've never felt this way before!

 

I live - Why do I live

Why was I spared? Why am I here ?

Maybe so I could experience this feeling!

Joy - Yes My Joy

Thank you Lord for giving me joy - 
     Thank you Lord for healing my life!

                                                         March 4, 1992

WHERE'S MY MEMORY

You've heard it said "Where's the beef?"

But I say, "where's my memory?"

I think I can find it and that's a relief

But where it is now?, my memory!

 

Once in a while I see a flash

Of just a little bit of my past

But away it goes on a mad dash

Oh, where is it? Bring it back here, fast!

                                                             March 4, 1992

CONFRONTATION

The time has come to tell the truth, It's time to go and confront

I've put if off for years and years, But now it's something I want.

I kept it secret for many years because I was sheltering my mom

I thought it would kill her to know

Where does the courage to confront come from?

The need to tell and expose the truth has been nagging me for years

I hoped some miracle would happen to help me face my fears.

My Daddy molested me from a very early age he made me have
     sex with him

How many times I don't know

He chased me around the house at his every whim.

One night I had a strange occurrence
      my husband was making love to me 

When a memory came flooding back and showed me 
     what I didn't want to see.

I saw my Grandma off to the left
     A baby with dark hair was laying on top

Of a big old fashioned white flour safe cabinet
     with a red trimmed enamel top.

A rubbermaid spatula was beside the baby girl
     she was about 18 months to 2 years old

She was crying and very unhappy 
     I knew something needed to be told.

I was telling God I didn't want to see, 
     cause I knew it was my memory

I didn't want to accept the fact - that the baby in fact was me!

Then I felt the cold enamel on my butt
     as I lay there years later in my marriage bed

I felt so dirty and violated as the tears flowed down my head.

I didn't see my Daddy with me - It felt as though he had just left

I saw the puzzled look on my Grandma's face
     So I really didn't know what to expect

I had to accept this memory as my own
     though I really didn't understand

How something could stay so buried
     like way, way down deep in the sand.

But now I know I remembered to help me
     I was very young when Daddy started the abuse

I had to remember because Denial had always been my excuse.

Now I understand the reason to confront
     Because I really needed to hear my Dad admit

the crime that he had forced on me 
     was what had been making me feel like a misfit.

The need to hear my Dad say, "I'm sorry" was utmost on my mind

He didn't at first, although I told him he need to, 
     His repentance was impossible to find.

After I confronted he finally did admit about the time 
     he had forced me to join him on the floor

He had fondled me there, but that incident I'd really forgotten
     I wanted - I hoped that he would admit more.

But once he admitted that time, I was on a roll
     I accused him of all the other times he violated me - 

That had happened up to my junior school year
     I knew somehow it would help me to be free.

My mother acted shocked at Daddy's words
     but down deep I still blamed her for not caring enough

The first thing she said was, "I can't divorce your Daddy"'
     But I thought ,"Well, that's just tough!"

I really didn't expect her to divorce him
     I only wish I would have been her choice

But I have accepted the fact of their over 50 years together
     and I realized that it took me 40 years to get a Voice!

Daddy finally said, "I'm sorry", But I really wondered. "Was he?"
     Was he truly sorry or---was he sorry to be caught by me?

Only God knows the answer when we confront
     he sees the innermost parts of the heart

One of the many things I regret is waiting so many years to start.

                                                                      March 31, 1996

CURIOSITY / THE BEAST RITUAL-666

I've always been a curious person people's brains I like to explore

I like to find out what makes them tick
     although the trouble it gets me into is hard to ignore.

I met a man - he was weird - He was a pick-up in a bar

He had a funny little beard - he said, 
     "Let's go to my house, it's not far."

He showed me the book that's read from back to front
     and played steel guitar music that made me cringe

My picture I painted he didn't appreciate
     I was really stupid to go on that binge

I had been drinking, though not totally drunk
     he took me to bed to screw

The painting on the wall beside me stunk
     It was black felt with a really different view

When in normal light it was displayed as the signs of the zodiac

But when with a black light it was arrayed,
     the face of Satan really set me back.

When he began to do foreplay, he told a tale of a ship at sea

Trying to take my will away he tried to mesmerize me

He told of his hoofs and his hairy legs, and the forked tail
     with which he was blessed

And I'm sure he hoped I had plenty of eggs
     The rest of this I'm sure you've tried to guess

But here's the best part of this memory
     'cause I said, "I gotta get out of here!"

And God answered my silent prayer
     Because after all, I was full of fear.

There was no completion of that Satanic act
     I left with no underwear on - top clothes only - no shoes

And that is really the truth!
     I bet he was singin' and playin' the blues!

He wanted to procreate the Devil's child 
     But God protected me

I know this memory is kind of wild
     But now I have nothing to fear, 'cause I'm God's child.

                                                                       March 31, 1996

YOU WERE THERE

Jesus take me in your arms and wipe away my tears

Hold me close and don't let go please - take away my fears.

You've known me now for a long long time
     Even though I didn't understand

You've been here all along Holding tight on to my hands.

You were with me when bad things were done

They tried to tear my soul apart!

You sent your angels to help me drawing me close to your heart.

Thank you Jesus for loving me
     when I really couldn't love myself at all

You loved the unlovable - And I finally heard your call.

You spoke in a quiet little voice
     telling me Jesus and God are one

to help me understand the past when all the evil was done.

Now you've continued the healing teaching me to learn to laugh

Lord give me your joy always comfort me with your rod and staff

Thank you Jesus for dying for me your love for me is true

You love us all equally and forever my love I give to you

                                                                      March 31, 1996

BITS AND PIECES RITUAL MEMORY

Bits and pieces of memory intrude into my life

Is it true or have I read or saw too much? 
     It causes me so much strife.

A man in a white hooded robe kneeling at my feet

I saw the knife he waved but didn't feel much heat.

Above my head was a huge Baphomet drawing
     at least 5 feet high and wide

I saw the white candles all around
     but there was nowhere I could hide.

Was there other people there? I really can't recall

In some ways I wish I could remember
     but then sometimes I wish I couldn't remember at all.

He liked menstrual blood
     I knew this before I retrieved the rest

of this terrible horrible memory,
     he had already put me to the test.

He was a fling when I was drunk
     I'd been to his house several times

I usually had sex with him and left
     But I can't recall how many times.

How many times was this done to me?
     Did he have it planned from the start?

I didn't really volunteer, I guess I really wasn't too smart.

I knew he liked to do drugs, but I wasn't interested in that

I only needed a quick sex fix,  that's where I was at.

My friend Vickie introduced me to him, she was quite a girl

She like gurus she said, which took me for quite a whirl.

There was a time when a man was found dead
     right there in her home

She was not found guilty and was left out of jail to roam.

Even after I let God change my life
     Vickie kept coming after me

and after a few times she finally gave up
     When my husband said, "Let my wife be!"

There's so many questions - I just want to know

How far? How many times? How far did this go?

The best thing for me to keep in mind
     is that whatever was done to me

Was not my choice, I'm sure - I was probably drugged, you see?

This just goes to show this:

that when you are drinkin' 

You get yourself into a real mess

and that proves you better do more thinkin'

I guess I'll go on with life and put it all in God's care

I'll know that when I remember more
     when God thinks I'm strong enough the memories to bare.

                                                                        April 8, 1996

MY HEAVENLY FATHER

My Heavenly Father is so good to me

He loves me even though I can't see

The works he does in my life each day

He watches over me in each and every way

 

Whenever I slip and fail and sin

He helps me to know I can begin again

He forgives me when I ask from my heart

And gives me a brand new start

 

When our earthly fathers let us down

The love of God is sure to be found

Our Heavenly father wants us to call out to Him

Abba, Pa Pa, for each and every whim

 

He takes away the hurt in our hearts

And replaces it with His love from the start

And though the outcome we can't see

He uses those hurts to bless you and me

 

My Dad, My Heavenly Father, helps me to see

Those that need help that are all around me

He lets me know that they will be restored

If they will just let Him in the door

 

Oh Pa Pa, Please Pa Pa, help us we pray

To be the expression of your love today

Help us love the unlovable so an example we'll be

So that in each one of us our Savior Jesus they'll see.

                                                                                     June 16, 1995

TURNING POINT 

(January 4, 2000) by Donna Carrico

As I was reading a book called, THE TRUE MEASURE OF A WOMAN, You Are More Than What You See, by Lisa Bevere, (1997 Creation House Publishers) I was really blessed by the challenging things I read and was experiencing the convicting power of God in my life. When I got to the chapter about escaping your past, I was really having a hard time. When she suggested that I never speak of my past again, I felt sad and that I should just quit reading the book because I just couldnít do that, and at the same time, I knew there was this was an area in my life that God was dealing with me about and I should trust Him. The book mentioned that there was a possibility that people were guilty of making an "idol" out of their past having the tendency to worship their past more than God by giving it more attention, etc. This is usually not done on purpose and most people are unaware they are guilty of this.

The Lord was bringing Scriptures to my mind and one of them was:

(Luke 9:62 KJV) And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.

Another was:

(Philippians 3:13-14 KJV) Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, {14} I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

It is easy to read Scripture, but harder to put it to the test in your own life!

As I thought about what the book suggested and the Scriptures, the following poem poured out of me as I expressed to God my concerns. I just couldnít see how I could never speak of my past at all and still be involved in my ministry to the abused. But as I began to pour out my thoughts on paper, God gave me the courage to make the decision not to obsessively talk about my past again. I told Him that I trusted Him and I knew he would help me. I also prayed for him to speak to me through the Scriptures and to be very specific and then help me to understand just what I was to do.

 

FREE FROM MY PAST

Today is the day I am closing the door to my past

It held within it a future that would not last

Though I searched and searched for the reasons why

The answers are known by someOne more just than I

To go on in the present is quite a scarey thing

When Iíve carried the excess baggage
     or else set it aside in the wing

The things of the past DO NOT MAKE ME WHO I AM

They only got in the way of the race I ran

How do I really let go of my past?

How do I really be Me, at last?

Because my ministry is so entangled with my past life

Just giving up the past causes me such strife!

Help me, Oh Lord, to fully trust in your decision

Help me Father to quit looking for a reason!

Iíve used my past as a stupid excuse

To justify my own use of abuse

Forgive me, Father, for hurting the ones I love

Help me to be full of mercy as you are from above

Your ways are truly not my ways

Please remind me of that till the end of days

Today as I go with you to the sea of forgetfulness

I give to you my life that is such a mess

Dear Lord, I really want to leave it buried where you already put it

But as hard as I try, I donít know if I can do it

There are so many ministry connections with my lifeís testimony

I donít know how to separate them
     without feeling and looking like a phoney!

I have said for years that you truly made me "new"

But now I see it from a totally different point of view

Thank you Lord for speaking to the author of a book

Who has shown me through your eyes how I really look

Forgive me for not being all you have called me to be

Help me, Father, to be Totally Free

Forgive me, Lord, for making my past an idol

I need only You, Lord, to make my life full

Teach me Lord by your Spirit, your Word, and your Small Still Voice

How to face each day and confirm Iíve made the right choice

Teach me to really trust all my ways unto you

In order that I can do what you want me to do

Continue to help me forgive the ones 
     in my past, present, and future who hurt me

Remind me they also need to see 
     your forgiveness, grace, love, and mercy

Thank you, Lord, for this new found Freedom at Last

On this Day I have chosen to be Free From My Past

 

      Praise God! After I wrote the poem I felt such freedom and I knew I had done the right thing. Then God spoke to me and told me to read 1 Corinthians, chapter 9. I could not recall what was in that passage so as I read it I knew without a doubt that God had really spoken to me.

(1 Corinthians 9 KJV) Am I not an apostle? am I not free? have I not seen Jesus Christ our Lord? are not ye my work in the Lord? {2} If I be not an apostle unto others, yet doubtless I am to you: for the seal of mine apostleship are ye in the Lord. {3} Mine answer to them that do examine me is this, {4} Have we not power to eat and to drink? {5} Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas? {6} Or I only and Barnabas, have not we power to forbear working? {7} Who goeth a warfare any time at his own charges? who planteth a vineyard, and eateth not of the fruit thereof? or who feedeth a flock, and eateth not of the milk of the flock? {8} Say I these things as a man? or saith not the law the same also? {9} For it is written in the law of Moses, Thou shalt not muzzle the mouth of the ox that treadeth out the corn. Doth God take care for oxen? {10} Or saith he it altogether for our sakes? For our sakes, no doubt, this is written: that he that ploweth should plow in hope; and that he that thresheth in hope should be partaker of his hope. {11} If we have sown unto you spiritual things, is it a great thing if we shall reap your carnal things? {12} If others be partakers of this power over you, are not we rather? Nevertheless we have not used this power; but suffer all things, lest we should hinder the gospel of Christ. {13} Do ye not know that they which minister about holy things live of the things of the temple? and they which wait at the altar are partakers with the altar? {14} Even so hath the Lord ordained that they which preach the gospel should live of the gospel. {15} But I have used none of these things: neither have I written these things, that it should be so done unto me: for it were better for me to die, than that any man should make my glorying void. {16} For though I preach the gospel, I have nothing to glory of: for necessity is laid upon me; yea, woe is unto me, if I preach not the gospel! {17} For if I do this thing willingly, I have a reward: but if against my will, a dispensation of the gospel is committed unto me. {18} What is my reward then? Verily that, when I preach the gospel, I may make the gospel of Christ without charge, that I abuse not my power in the gospel. {19} For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more. {20} And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law; {21} To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law. {22} To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. {23} And this I do for the gospel's sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you. {24} Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. {25} And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. {26} I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: {27} But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

I could relate to the first few verses as my husband and I usually donít get many love gifts to our ministry although we give all we can to anyone who asks us for help and ministry and we have always worked at secular jobs.

The Apostle Paul goes on to tell how they were the fruit of his ministry. That made me excited. That is always the way we have felt in our ministry. If we can help to bring souls to God and disciple them we feel we have accomplished what God wants us to do.

Then Paul began to explain how he became all things to all people in order to win them to the Lord. That is when I realized the Lord was giving me permission to speak about my past if I needed to do so in order to win people to the Lord, or to help them see what a wonderful healing God we serve and what he has done in my life.  

Paul proceeded to speak about how he did not want to be disqualified from the race he was running and how he wanted to get the incorruptible crown. That helped me to see that was why I had made the decision to refrain from speaking of my past, get rid of any judgmental or critical spirit, or any other sin I may have in my life, and totally trusting God in this matter, in order to run my race and receive my crown.

God is truly an awesome God!

Since I wrote the poem before God told me to read the passage, it was proof to me once again that God truly does speak to us through His living Word. It was so personal to me, for God to care enough about me to reassure me and tell me exactly when to share my past with anyone I minister to. That is the reason that I have included my poems on this web site. There are many tormented souls struggling to be Free in Christ. Freedom begins when you can be honest with God and honest with yourself. Freedom to be honest with yourself and God also begins sometimes when you realize that someone else has been through similar circumstances, survived them, and is in the process of healing filled with Hope for their future. 

Some might think this is a contradiction with the decision I made not to speak of my past again. However, if you are a survivor you usually go through several stages in your healing.  At first there is denial.  Then you go through a stage where you are telling everyone even though they may not even want to hear about it.  Sometimes survivors feel compelled to tell everyone they meet after they once start to tell the deep dark secret that has kept them enslaved to a lie for years.  It is as though they want to say, "Look what happened to me.  Feel my pain.  Share it with me.  Believe me."  Then with the help of the Lord and other caregivers, we begin to mature and realize there is a time and a place to share and we loose that compulsion to talk about our past constantly.  Then we go forward in our lives and to not dwell in our past hurts and failures.

I pray that these poems have ministered to you and has drawn you closer to the Lord. If you have any questions or comments, I am always willing to speak personally to all who contact me.

Thank you Lord.

Your Servant in Christ Jesus, Donna Carrico

TURNING POINT FOR YOU?

     Are you ready to give up your past and let God be the Lord of your life?  Do you want to be Free in Jesus? The Bible says that we must be like little children and that means to trust God and that he truly loves us and wants to help us.  Just say a prayer right now, asking Jesus to be Lord of your life.  Give up your will and ask that His will be done in your life.  Ask Jesus for strength to make the right decisions.  Ask him to help you make the decision to forgive those who have hurt you.  And ask Jesus to forgive you for not coming to him sooner.  He is faithful.  He will listen if you will ask for help. 

If you are NOT a Christian and want to more about how to become a Christian, please click here. Contact our ministry if you have more questions.

If you are having questions about your salvation and want to learn What is the Ultimate Truth? Click Here to find out.

We have written a book that may be a big help to you as a survivor, caregiver, or minister.  We call it FROM VICTIMS To VICTORS - THROUGH THE CROSS OF JESUS CHRIST- Gilead's Balm - A Healing Workbook for Ministers, Victim- Survivors, And All Christians who want to be Free through Jesus Christ.  It will help you to clean up the garbage that is in your past and help you to get totally Free in Jesus and live a happy and fulfilling life as His child.  Contact us today if you have questions about Gilead's Balm or any of out other resource materials.

UNWANTED MEMORY

Thrusting, thrusting, thrusting his finger into my inward secret part -

When will it stop? When did it start?

He said he loved me very, very much

Why did he lie? Even now, I still cringe at his touch.

This unwanted memory keeps haunting over and over in my mind

Please God, make it go away - Your peace Iím trying to find.

Written by Donna Carrico

2/19/2005

  New Poems

I recently found this poem I wrote, but the words are still true.

DO YOU HEAR GOD CRY?

Sin is rampant in Godís big world
     Even in our churches they choose to ignore
          Adultery, Idolatry, Greed, Complacency, and more.

Do you hear God cry as He searches hearts?
     When he returns, will Jesus find faith in Him and His word,
          Or is false doctrine all His children will have heard?

What does happen when the Ecclesia meet?
     Bulletin announcements, Pre-planned worship music and prayers?
          Can you tell the difference between the wheat and the tares?

Jesus said they would all grow together till the end of this age.
     Could this mean they sit beside you in the pew?
          If you know this, what are you responsible to do?

Do you hear Godís call for you to confront
     the sin in the church and Christian sisters and brothers,
          or do you think confrontation should be done by others?

"Agree to disagree" is a popular saying.
     "To each his own" we often hear said.
          But how will you feel when that person beside you is dead?

Do you know Christians who are supposed to follow Christ,
     Yet they are members of a Secret Society?
          This should cause you concern and great anxiety!

Organizations such as Freemasonry worship a different god.
     They bowed down and swore secret oaths at their altar.
          They are told their membership will not make their Christianity falter.

Do you hear God cry as He sees His creation join themselves to idols?
     Jesus is the one and only way of salvation.
          Not choosing Him alone will cause a person eternal damnation.

Get educated about the cults and Secret Societies.
     Acquire resource materials, read your Bible, pray, and get ready to defend.
          For you will be held accountable for what you do or donít do in the end!

Written by Donna Carrico 9/27/2002

THE DAY JESUS DIED

Drop by drop he shed his blood
     Sin was a very heavy load
Jesus died that we might live
     From the cross forgiveness flowed

Fear fell on unbelievers that day
     When the veil in the temple was torn
The earthquake shook their very souls
     And some bystanders began to mourn

The crowd really didnít understand
     For many that day time stood still
His saving grace was well hidden
     While Jesus died and hung upon that hill

Many years have passed since then
     But Jesus still lives today
He can and will accept you, too
     If you will take time, seek Him, and pray

Written by Donna Carrico 2/28/2004

I DIED TODAY

I died again today
     My life breath was taken away
While my husband slept by my side
     My gasping for air was hard to hide
They call this thing Sleep Apnea disease
     But I call it a reality check if you please
When the doctor chose to diagnose
     I realized death was always close
It happens many times in my sleep in an hour
     And it truly takes away all of my power
I wake up tired as if Iíve never slept at all
     My kidneys donít sleep so I get the bathroom call
Some might say I should be afraid to sleep
     But my Lord I give my soul to keep
I have to be ready every time I go to bed
     Knowing that seeing my Lord may be just ahead
Some day my heart may fail to jump start
     And my soul from this body will depart
Am I sure that I am really ready to die?
     The power of life and death in Godís hands lie
He will take me when it is His time for me
     And that reality sets me free
I will not let fear hold me captive
     But I choose each day for my Lord to live
And if my breath is permanently taken from me
     Heaven would be a wonderful peaceful place to be!

Written by Donna Carrico 2/12/2004

A PREACHER ON THE FENCE

From out the millions of the earth
God often calls a man
To preach the Word
And for the Truth to take a royal stand.
'Tis sad to see him shun the cross,
nor stand in its defense;
Between the fields of right and wrong,
A preacher on the fence.

Before him are the souls of men
Bound for heaven or hell;
An open Bible in his hand,
And yet he will not tell
All the truth that's written there;
To them 'twould be an offense.
The joys of heaven, the woes of hell.
A preacher on the fence.

Now surely God has called a man
To battle for the right;
'Tis his to ferret out the wrong,
And turn on us the light.
And yet he dare not tell the truth;
He fears the consequence;
The most disgusting thing on earth
Is a preacher on the fence.

If he should stand up for the wrong,
The right he'd not defend.
If he should stand up for the right,
The wrong he would offend.
His mouth is closed; he cannot speak
For freedom or against.
Great God, please deliver us
From a preacher on the fence!

But soon both sides will find him out,
And brand him as a fraud.
A coward who dares not to please the devil or his God.
Oh Lord, free us from fear of man;
From cowardly pretense;
Cleanse out the dross and fear of loss,
And keep us off the fence!

Author Unknown

How To Get Saved or Born Again


As you can tell by my poems and testimony, I (Donna) have a lot to be thankful for.  God loves you and wants to be a part of your life.  If you have not given him your stubborn will or if you have been saved in the past, but have not lived a life pleasing to the Lord, take time now to get your heart right.  Just read these Scriptures to help your understanding.

Romans 5:8-10  But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (9) Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. (10) For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.

 John 3:3-8  Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. (4) Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his motherís womb, and be born? (5) Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. (6) That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. (7) Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again. (8) The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

Titus 3:5  Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;

 Ephesians 2:8-10  For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: (9) Not of works, lest any man should boast. (10) For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

Reach out to God for his saving grace, forgiveness, and mercy.  If there is a doubt in your mind about your eternal destiny, please pray this prayer and contact me. (812-473-3735)

ďFather God, I know I have not been living as you want me to.  I am tired of living my life without your help.  Break my stubborn will and help me to follow you.  Please forgive me for my sins.  I believe that your Son, Jesus, died on the cross to pay the price for my sins.  Teach me your ways and fill me with your Holy Spirit so that I can serve you for the rest of my life.  I believe by my faith in what Jesus did on the cross I am justified or made right with you.  Help me to learn more about you as I read your Holy Bible.  Please help me to follow your commandments and the doctrine of Jesus.  Thank you for loving me and forgiving me.  I give myself totally to you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.Ē

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